


A Kit's Healing

by Idhren15



Series: The Blood You Hate [5]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5 + 1 Things, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blade of Marmora Keith (Voltron), Blind Keith (Voltron), Brother Regris, Colour blindness, Dad Antok, Dad Kolivan, Dad Thace, Dad Ulaz, Fluff and Angst, Galra Keith (Voltron), Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt / Comfort, Hurt Keith (Voltron), I am now broshipping Regeith whoops, In a way, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) Has Self-Esteem Issues, Keith (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Keith (Voltron) Stutters When Nervous, Keith (Voltron) has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Kit Keith, Muzzles, Non-Consensual Touching, Past Dehumanisation, Past Torture, Regris is a good friend, Temporary blind character, Thace is Krolia's baby bro, Touch-Starved Keith (Voltron), Uncle Thace, all mentioned in memories and nightmares, and he gets it, but his dads are here to help him, dads of marmora, how did I nearly forget those tags, how is that not a tag?, keith has kit instincts, recovery fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-05-02 07:22:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19194346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idhren15/pseuds/Idhren15
Summary: After his enslavement at the hand of Lotor, Keith struggles with what it means to be himself again.Fortunately, his pride are there to help him.Alternatively: Five times the Blades help him recover, and one time he helps himself.(Recovery fic, as requested! Follows the trauma inA Kit's Nightmare)





	1. Ulaz

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! The much-requested recovery fic is here! :D
> 
> As I was drafting this, it kinda turned into a 5+1 format so I decided to split those into shorter chapters. Each chapter will focus on a Blade helping Keith with a different aspect of his recovery! 
> 
> I hope to get this all written quite quickly :D work is finally calming down so I have more time to write, yay! XD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (1)  
> After four months spent in darkness, Keith is blind.  
> Ulaz searches for a remedy to fix that.

"Hold still."

Keith fights the urge to shake his head, instead keeping it in the same position, sightless eyes looking upwards as Ulaz applies the drops. They sting as they connect with his eyes, but so far, no improvements have been made to his sight.

It's been two weeks, two movements, since his pride came and rescued him.

It's been two movements, but he is still _blind._

The lashes on his back healed quickly, thanks to galran technology, but they've scarred. He can feel it. He wishes he could see it, but the world around him is still so dark.

It's far too easy to forget that he's safe, he's back with the Blades, _Lotor can't hurt him here._

"Kit? I'm done now."

Keith blinks and his ears flicker in the direction of Ulaz. "Why can't I see?" he whispers, his voice still rough.

The doctor sighs. "I'm not sure. We could try a little more light exposure, but time is the only medicine, I'm afraid."

"No, it's not."

Keith's fur bristles and his ears swivel, tail lashing as he struggles to pinpoint the location of the voice. It's Valta, he thinks, but he can't be completely sure.

Ulaz sighs. "I'd rather not try that-"

" _You'd_ rather not?" the female scoffs, and Keith grins a little.

_Yeah. Definitely Valta._

"It's the kit's choice, not yours," she continues.

His ears perk up at that. "What's my choice?" he asks quietly.

Light footsteps sound, then there is a pressure on the bed beside him, lavender scent filling his nostrils. It's Ulaz, he's pretty sure.

The galra talks again, confirming it. "I'm doing the best I can for you naturally, Keith. Trying to get your eyes to adjust to the light again. There is another way we can try and return your sight, but it's dangerous."

"Unnatural," Valta corrects.

Keith swears he can hear Ulaz roll his eyes. "Yes, it's unnatural, and potentially dangerous. I don't know what effect it could have on you."

Keith grimaces. "It's not going to make my sight worse, is it?" he comments dryly, trying not to wince as his voice cracks.

"No, kit. But it may not return it to full, or there might be other effects-"

The gears of Keith's mind turn at full speed. "It's quintessence, isn't it?"

Beside him, Ulaz freezes. "... Yes," the doctor sighs, "We could use quintessence. A couple of drops to each eye should, theoretically, heal you."

Keith folds his arms. "What are you waiting for then?"

A hand rests on his arm, the small touch comforting through the sleeves of his jacket, though he refuses to let himself melt under it. _Not again. Not like with Lotor._

"Your transformation was brought on by quintessence exposure in the first place. I don't want to expose you to more in case it causes you harm," Ulaz confesses, his tone riddled with concern. Without thinking, Keith hums and leans in to the galra, rubbing his cheek against the doctor's shoulder.

"I'm not afraid of it hurting me, 'Laz. I just want to see again," he murmurs.

Ulaz barely holds in a chuckle at his sudden display of kit instincts, and Keith immediately pulls back, embarrassed.

"I know kit," he says then, "Believe me, I know." He stands, and Keith's hands fist in the fabric of the blanket beside him, warm from Ulaz's body heat.

"Valta, fetch the quintessence," the galra commands.

Keith visualises the other doctor grinning. "Sure thing, 'Laz'," she replies cheekily, before running off, from the sound of her quick, light footsteps.

Keith rubs his hands together, fingers tracing the scarred skin around his wrists. At least, it feels scarred, just in a different manner to his back. From the electric cuffs, he guesses.

He still doesn't know the full extent of the abuse his body suffered in those four phoebs of drugged-up nightmare, but he'll happily face the scars if it means he can see again.

The darkness was frightening, then oddly comforting, but now he's not sure how he feels about it. Frustrated, mostly.

And scared. It's too easy to be scared again.

His breathing quickens, and all he can think is _no no no not now,_ because Ulaz might think he's freaking over the quintessence but he's not and it's too dark, he can hear voices, is that Lotor, _oh please don't let it be him-_

A soft rumble brings him back, and he's suddenly aware of someone's arms around him, rocking him gently.

"Laz," he whimpers, and the galra rumbles again in affirmation.

"M'sorry," Keith adds.

"Don't apologise, kit. You'll be able to see again soon, I promise." The doctor gently strokes his cheek, and a pleased whine escapes him, but it's far too close to the little touches that Lotor used to give him to be much of a comfort.

"I've got it!" Valta announces suddenly, and Keith knows she only says that for his benefit. Ulaz gently sets Keith on the bed again- oh _quiznak_ , he was actually being held- returning not a dobosh later with the quintessence. The doctor explains to Keith the risks, but he agrees anyway, tilting his head back and forcing his eyelids open, letting the drops of quintessence fall into his eyes.

Then he's blinking rapidly, and suddenly, his world is no longer dark.

Keith gasps as light streams into his eyes, the sudden brightness making them water but he _doesn't care_ because he can _see!_ He turns his head to look at Ulaz- to actually look- and smiles as he sees the familiar face, each colour and detail just as he remembers.

_No, wait._ Not quite.

Since when were Ulaz's eyes grey?

Keith frowns, his gaze darting across the room, taking in the small variation of colours: mostly blues, purples and black. But he meets Valta, too, and is equally as confused to see that her eyes are grey, too.

"Keith? Can you...?"

"I can see," he confirms, and Ulaz lets out a purr of joy.

"But your eyes are the wrong colour," he adds, frowning, "They look grey."

The two doctors focus on his eyes suddenly, and he flinches under their double gaze. Valta's expression is neutral, but Ulaz looks pained.

"Kit, I'm sorry-"

"What for?" He can _see!_ Sure, something's going wrong with some colours, but he's no longer trapped in the dark-!

Ulaz sits down next to him again. "Keith, it looks like though the quintessence fixed your eyes, it also changed them a little."

He stiffens. "How... what do you mean?"

"Your pupils are gone, kit. You have eyes like the rest of our kin," Ulaz says gently.

Keith tenses up, looking with said eyes at the darker purple skin around his wrists, scarred just like he thought.

_Quiznak._ He has galra eyes now. Solid yellow, probably- which explains why Ulaz and Valta's eyes look grey.

He can't see yellow anymore.

He's also become even more alien.

He swallows and slowly raises his head, meeting Ulaz's concerned gaze. His pride know how much he likes his eyes, that so closely resemble his mother's.

Not anymore.

"It's... It's okay," he manages to say, "I can see, so...that's just a small price."

Ulaz embraces him and he doesn't shy away, letting his kit needs rule him as he melts into the hug.

"Thank you," Keith breathes with sincerity.

Ulaz purrs softly. "Anytime, kit. Just...don't do this again. I can't lose you," he whispers.

Keith nods, tiredness wanting him to shut his eyes but he keeps them open, treasuring every colour he _can_ see.

The darkness won't trap him any longer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Keith can see! XD 
> 
> Also the whole thing with him not seeing yellow? That's my science brain talking XD Yellow absorbs every colour except, well, yellow. So, considering physics, the galra wouldn't be able to see the colour yellow. 
> 
> (And on that same path, Zarkon wouldn't be able to see purple, which makes things a heck of a lot funnier XD) 
> 
> Anyways I thought it'd be interesting to explore! :D 
> 
> Next up: Regris! Hopefully I can update again before the week is over! 
> 
> Comments are always welcome, I love hearing from you guys! ^-^ thanks for reading!


	2. Regris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (2)  
> The drugs and lack of motion from his captivity have taken their toll on Keith's body, as well as his mind.   
> Regris tries to help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is shorter than the last because (a) I literally just wrote it on a total whim (b) it just seemed to come to a nice close?  
> Eh. See for yourselves XD 
> 
> Keith does mention the non-con drugs & touching a little, in case that triggers anyone.

The galra's tail sweeps in his path, causing him to trip, and Keith hits the ground, _again._

"Come on," Regris says, his eyes - now an odd grey, though Keith _knows_ they're still yellow - glinting as he readies his blade.

Keith tries to get up, but his body is shaking, muscles quivering and protesting at their first proper use in months. He pants, lungs struggling to get in oxygen, momentarily forgetting that there's no muzzle on his face and he can breathe through his mouth and-

"Keith! Keith, hey, it's okay. Breathe with me, yeah?" 

He tries, but his mouth is clamped shut with the memories, the bridge of his nose aching again with the strain of the muzzle. Then clawed hands are grabbing at his face, forcing his jaw open, and he gasps, coughing and spluttering as the air finally slips through his mouth.

"Steady," the person says, and dimly Keith realises it's Regris. 

Once he's breathing properly again, he groans, and to his horror his muscles give way, leaving him to slump backwards into Regris' lap.

"Sorry," he mumbles, trying to move, but he just doesn't have the energy.

"No, _I'm_ sorry," Regris says, "I shouldn't have pushed you so hard."

Keith growls in frustration. "I'm so _weak!_ " he hisses, barely able to raise his arm in demonstration, watching with fury as it flops, almost lifeless.

Regris sighs. "Keith, you went through a lot. You're still recovering! Give yourself time, okay?"

"No!" Keith tries to sit up again, "In case you hadn't noticed, there's a quiznaking war out there. And I can't just sit around on my ass as my friends and comrades risk their lives! I have to get out there, do something, I... I have to be strong! I have to fight I'm good at fighting -" he's aware that he's rambling but he can't stop - "fighting is what I do and if I can't do that then I'm no use, I'm useless, and then Lotor was right and I'm just no-one and all I can do is sit and look pretty-"

"Stop it!" Regris yells, just as a pain shoots up Keith's tail. He hisses and then directs the sound at his friend when he sees Regris deliberately squeezing the sensitive tip. The galra lets go as soon as he's got Keith's attention. 

"Stop it," Regris repeats, softer this time, "You're not a 'no-one', Keith. You're not useless."

"My body is," he grumbles, "I'm just a doll again, aren't I?"

"Keith no, you're not listening-" 

"No, _you're_ not listening!" He twists as much as he can manage, glaring up at Regris, "I'm just a quiznaking doll again! And I'm not even drugged this time! I'm _useless,_ unless you want to mold me into a position that pleases you," he snaps.

Regris goes quiet, and Keith slumps back against him, blood rushing to his cheeks. 

"I'm sorry," he says then, the anger fading. 

"I didn't realise quite what you went through," Regris whispers, "You're so brave, Keith."

Keith huffs. "Yeah but that's no good if my body-"

"You're _brave,_ Keith," Regris interrupts, his voice firmer, "You're brave and that's why I know you're going to get through this. You're strong on the inside, so you'll be strong on the outside again." He gently pushes on Keith's back, guiding the younger up into a sitting position, though it is with much more care and gentleness than the molding of Lotor and his generals.

"Plus, I'm going to help you," Regris continues, grinning as his eyes meet Keith's.

Keith finds a small smile forming in response.

"Thanks, Regris."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops yeah that is short. And I know it's a lot of dialogue but that's just where it went? I feel even though Keith needs physical help, half the battle is mental.  
> Hence the conversations! 
> 
> Also I'm increasingly becoming a fan of broshipping Keith & Regris XD 
> 
> Anyways hope you guys enjoyed! I'll try and write something longer for next time with Antok! :D
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Comments always welcome ^-^


	3. Antok

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (3)  
> Keith battles with nightmares.  
> Antok helps him get used to touch again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a longer one this time!
> 
> Warning for mentions of non-consensual touching, dehumanisation and use of muzzles & collars.

_Footsteps sound, and Keith tries to open his eyes but he can't, they're not working, it's still dark. Heart pounding, he moves to rub at them only to discover that his hands are cuffed together. He's suddenly aware of the collar around his neck, and leans back experimentally, feeling the familiar tug that signifies he's chained somewhere._

_His breath hitches but he's struggling to get in enough air because the muzzle's on his face again, he tries to move and he can but the floor beneath him isn't a floor it's soft like a cushion and he's sitting down with his head tilted and his hair braided with silky clothes that aren't his they're Lotor's but he's Lotor's and he hears the prince approaching but he can't see he can't breathe he can't escape_ -

Keith gasps and shoots bolt upright, a distressed whine escaping him as the nightmare lingers in the corner of his mind, distorting his senses. Someone rumbles gently and a hand rests on his shoulder but he flinches away from the touch, but why did he do that he only gets touch if he's good and he was bad so now he'll be left in the dark again and-

"Kit, breathe. It's alright, you're safe here. Lotor can't hurt you," Antok soothes gently.  
Keith hugs his knees to his chest and rocks slightly, focusing purely on keeping his breaths even. Once he's achieved that, he looks up slowly, relieved that the darkness has given way to colour.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, not quite meeting Antok's gaze.

The older galra frowns. "Don't apologise, kit. I wasn't sleeping anyway."

It is then that Keith realises he's in their nest, surrounded by blankets and pillows and various items marked with the scents of his pride. It doesn't surprise him; he's taken to sleeping with his pride again after their horrid separation.

But what does surprise him is that he's in the centre, wrapped up in a blanket that has Antok's scent all over it. Usually he sleeps near the edge, sometimes unable to cope with the physical contact of his pride. So why is he in the middle now?

The question leaves him in the form of a puzzled whine, and Antok smiles slightly.

"You were cold and crying out in your sleep, kit. I tried to make you comfortable," he explains.

Keith nods and struggles to conceal the whimper at the thought of someone moving him in the night, whilst he was sleeping. Antok is a friend, he knows that, but he was moved without his permission again...

"I'm sorry if that distressed you, kit. I was just trying to help you."

Keith inhales shakily. "I know," he says, awkwardly trying to untangle himself from the blankets, "I... appreciate it."

Antok moves to help him but stops as soon as Keith freezes up. "May I?"

His mind whispers _no_ , but he nods, trying to relax as the galra helps him out of the blanket burrito. "Thanks," he manages to say, forcing a smile.

Antok rumbles, deep in his chest. "Kit, can I hug you?"

The blood drains from Keith's face and his tail falls limp, a sudden fear seizing him. It's ridiculous: Lotor never tried to hug him, but he did touch and caress him, and hugs always come with someone touching his hair or his arms or his back and he just _can't_.

He shakes his head and looks away, not wanting to see pity or disappointment in Antok's eyes.

But the galra simply hums. "That's okay. I won't touch you without your permission, Keith, I promise."

Keith nods his thanks, then exits the room on shaky legs, headed to training.

 

The next night, Antok is awoken by the sound of a kit in distress. He sits up abruptly, eyes darting across to Regris - who is curled up between Thace and Ulaz, fast asleep - then over to Keith, huddled on the very edge of their nest. The youngest kit whimpers again, his ears pinned back, tail swishing in agitation.

He's having a nightmare again.

_Keith tries to run but his legs aren't working, the generals grab him and force him to his knees then Lotor is there, standing over him, eyes glinting dangerously._

_"Hello again, little wagsza," he purrs, "Thought you could escape me, hmm?"_

_Keith whimpers, the muzzle muffling the sound._

_Lotor crouches down so they're at eye level. "You can never run from me, wagsza. I own you. You are nothing but_ mine. _You're just my pet. There is no life for you away from me."_

_He extends a hand and gently brushes Keith's cheek. Keith wants to pull away, to snarl, but he melts under the touch, leaning in as Lotor's other hand moves to rub his head, then his ears, eliciting a keen of pleasure. Lotor laughs but Keith is a limp doll in his hands, falling into Lotor's lap as the generals release him, terrified of the circumstance but too dazed from the touch to do anything._

_"See? You are mine," Lotor whispers, stroking his hair, "You're always mine, little wagsza..."_

Keith's eyes snap open and he whimpers, his whole body shaking. Antok stays back, ignoring his instincts that are screaming at him to bundle up the kit and give him love, because he understands that Keith needs space.

But then Keith's large eyes meet him, a plea written in their monochrome depths.

"Antok," the kit breathes, "Can... Can you...?"

He doesn't need to ask again. Antok surges forwards, gently gathering the kit into his arms, and Keith curls into his chest, his body shaking with tremors and sobs.

"Shh, kit. You're okay, you're safe here. Lotor can't get to you," Antok soothes, rocking them gently.

"I-I know," Keith whimpers, "But it f-feels so r-r-real, and h-he says I-I'm always h-h-his p-p-p-pet..." His claws dig into Antok's chest, but the older galra doesn't protest, simply holding the kit gently and being careful to not touch him in the ways he suspected Lotor did.

"You're not his pet, Keith."

"B-but I b-b-belong to-"  
"Us. You belong to us. You're our kit, and we love you, and we're never going to let Lotor touch you ever again, okay?" Antok says.

Keith slowly uncurls and looks up at him. "O-okay," he replies shakily.

"Now, rest," Antok hums, "You've got more training with Regris tomorrow."

Keith groans, but his eyes light up ever so slightly.

"Thank you, Antok," he whispers, before curling up in the galra's lap and falling asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was just supposed to be Antok comforting Keith after a nightmare, but more angst crept it. Whoops XD
> 
> Keith is both touch-starved and touch-averse at the moment, so I thought it'd be interesting to try and address that. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! As usual, comments are welcome! ^-^
> 
> Next time: Thace! :D


	4. Thace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (4)  
> Keith forgets himself.  
> Thace helps him remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be longer and more angsty but the fluff train jumped in and took over.
> 
> I suppose Keith does deserve some fluff, after all I've put him through!
> 
> It's not all fluff but...eh. See for yourself XD

Keith trudges through the Blade's headquarters, headed to the med bay for his checkup with Ulaz. The doctor is insistent on monitoring Keith's progress every three quintants, which is frustrating and comforting all at the same time. Still, after another exhausting session of training with Regris, Keith wants nothing more than to have a cold shower and sleep in the nest. Instead he has to visit Ulaz and sit through a varga or so of tests.

His tired mind starts to wonder as he walks, and he nearly bumps into a couple of Blades, swerving to avoid them at the last minute. They don't appear to notice him, so he carries on, ignoring the protests in his legs from such a sharp movement.

"...so then I was thinking, why not have a pet?" the taller Blade says then.

Keith freezes, ears flickering backwards.

"Hmm, but what? A cargezol?" the second asks.

"No, I think I'd prefer a wagsza."

Instantly Keith's muscles lock up and he was standing but now he's on the floor, his heart racing, _no no no_ he's _not_ a pet, he's _not_ -

He crawls around the corner, pressing up against the cool metal wall as a low whine escapes him.

The Blades continue their conversation, oblivious.

"A wagsza? What type?"

"Fierce enough to frighten kits," the galra laughs, "But it would have to obey me. I want a good wagsza."

_Obey me._

_Good wagsza._

Lotor's voice whispers in his ears, echoing the words of the unknown Blade, and Keith clamps his hands over his ears, shaking.

_"It has learnt its place."_

_"It is a good wagsza, a very good little wagsza."_

_A hand touches him- it- a gentle caress, given because it obeyed._

_"It is my little wagsza...it is mine now."_

_The word spoken over it with such pride, such care._

_"Bad wagsza!"_

_The same word used in anger and disappointment to inflict pain, a punishment that it deserves._

_"You belong to me! You are my pet, my wagsza! Not a person!"_

Something breaks, and it curls up tighter in the corner, placing a trembling hand over its mouth to stifle the whines. It is _bad_ , it has done something bad, and that is why it's sitting on cold metal and not the soft cushion its master gave it. It wants to call out for someone, for _anyone_ , but it is too afraid of the pain that will come if it makes a noise.

Its master would not approve of it hiding, either, though that's the only thing it wants to do. Instead it forces itself to sit up, sitting the way its master likes, bowing its head to hide the ugliness in its eyes.

It sits there and it waits.

 

Ulaz paces the medical bay, checking the clock on the wall for the fifth time that dobosh. Sitting across from him, Thace sighs loudly.

"Can you stop that?" he grumbles.

Ulaz huffs. "The kit is twenty doboshes late!"

"So? His session with Regris probably overran."

Ulaz shakes his head. "No, it didn't. Regris finished three doboshes early."

That gets Thace's attention. The darker galra stands, ears upright and alert. "What?"

"Keith should've been here by now! I fear something has happened to him," Ulaz exclaims.

Thace's mind darts back to the last conversation he had with Antok, about concerns for their kit's mental state.

"I'll look for Keith," he says firmly, "Stay here, in case he needs medical attention." Without waiting for Ulaz's response, Thace exits the med bay, taking the most direct path between that facility and the training areas, hoping to find Keith on the way, silently fuming that Ulaz didn't tell him how long Keith was gone _sooner_.

Then a muffled whine reaches his ears, and he freezes, glancing around.

He'd know that whine anywhere.

His kit is not in sight, but Thace turns a corner off the main route and freezes. Keith is huddled against the metal wall, one hand clamped over his mouth, the other trembling in his lap. He sits cross-legged, his tail curled neatly in front of him, hid his eyes wide and fearful and not-all-there.

Cautiously Thace kneels in front of him. "Kit?" he whispers, "Keith, are you okay?"

Keith whimpers and shrinks back.

Thace holds out his hands, palms facing his kit. "I'm not going to hurt you, I promise," he soothes, "Let me help you, okay?"

"Not deserve help," Keith whines.

Thace barely stops a frown. "Why do you say that?"

His kit looks away. "Bad wagsza," he murmurs, "It is a bad wagsza."

Thace's heart sinks.

"No, Keith, _no_ ," he says firmly, "No. You're not a bad wagsza, not at all. You're _good_."

Keith shakes his head. "It's not supposed to talk. Bad wagsza."

Thace shuffles forward a little. "Look at me."

Keith obeys somewhat reluctantly.

"Listen, I know Keith's in there somewhere. And I don't know what's happened to make you think you're a wagsza, that you're not a person, but you're wrong. You are Keith. You're my nephew. You are very much a person, and I love you."

Keith blinks, recognition replacing that dull, lifeless look, and he lets out a small sob. "Uncle Thace?" he whimpers.

"Yes, Keith."

Keith keens and reaches towards him, and Thace gathers his kit into his arms, careful of how much he touches Keith. But his kit melts into his chest, trembling against him.

"I lost myself again," Keith whispers, "I.. I overheard someone say that _word_ and suddenly I was _his_ again..."

Thace's fur grows damp with his kit's tears.

"I'm going to ban that word," he growls, holding Keith tighter against him. Keith stiffens silently and Thace immediately loosens his grip.

"Sorry," he quickly apologises.

Keith chuffs and looks up at him. "It's okay. My fault."

"No," Thace rumbles, "None of this is your fault, Keith. You went through a lot-"

"Everyone keeps saying that!" Keith snaps suddenly, "And I know, but I still can't let go! I keep seeing him everywhere and I freak when people touch me and I can't even walk through headquarters without having a quiznaking breakdown!"

Thace stays silent, unsure of what to say.

Keith's bottom lip trembles. "I just... I just want to be okay again," he finishes, his tone more subdued.

Thace manages a smile. "You will be, Keith. It's taking time, but you'll be okay. You've got your pride, and you've got me especially. Okay? If you start to slip again, call for me. I'll help you through this, I promise, kit." He moves to rub Keith's cheek, then pauses, tilting his head. Keith nods slowly, giving his permission.

"I appreciate it, Uncle Thace," he murmurs, relaxing as Thace rubs his head against Keith's.

"Anytime, kit. And I mean it," Thace promises, "Now, I think we should head to the med bay, before Ulaz destroys it in his agitation."

Keith chuckles lightly, the sound only faint and short but it is there, and it sets Thace's hope on fire.

He knows his kit is struggling, but Keith is tough, too.

He is going to get through this; Thace believes in him with all his heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave it to Thace to be fluffy XD
> 
> Seriously though, I adore Uncle Thace <3
> 
> I was going to write this all from Keith as well, but the switch to Thace and Ulaz just happened...and, well, I hope you guys liked the end result! XD
> 
> Comments always welcome :D thank you so much for reading! ^-^
> 
> Next up: Kolivan!


	5. Kolivan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (5)  
> Keith's improving, but he's still got a few questions hindering his recovery.  
> Kolivan is there to provide answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took a little bit of a darker turn than expected? Whoops.
> 
> Apologies in advance for mentions of self-deprecating thoughts. 
> 
> And on that happy note, hope you like the chapter!

"Um, Kolivan?"

The Blades' leader turns to see their kit standing in the doorway, his shoulders hunched, tail swishing nervously. When he meets Kolivan's gaze, his ears pin back, claws tapping together.

"S-sorry if I'm bothering you," Keith says quickly, cheeks flushing.

Kolivan shakes his head. "No it's fine, kit. Come in."

Keith enters his office, body tense and alert, and Kolivan is pleased to see how the kit is looking stronger, able to support his own weight, though his mannerisms are not quite how they used to be. It reminds Kolivan of the frightened kit he found on the Castle of Lions, all those phoebs ago.

Keith sits down, ears and tail still betraying his emotions. Kolivan sets the datapad down to give the kit his full attention.

"What's wrong?" he asks gently.

Keith bites his lip. "I was wondering, about the p-p-pal-" His voice shakes so hard he can't finish the sentence, but Kolivan knows what he's trying to say. 

_The paladins of Voltron._

Though he's had to work with them, Kolivan still doesn't like the paladins for how they mistreated the kit. He tolerates them for the sake of the universe, and, until now, did everything in his power to keep them away from Keith.

A couple of them asked after the kit, but he gave them no answer other than 'he is better now'. And after a while, they stopped asking.

So when the yellow one contacted them directly, he was most surprised.

Keith swallows then. "Is it true? That... Hunk," he stumbles over the name, "contacted you?"

"Yes," Kolivan answers, "He thought he recognised you."

Keith's bottom lip wobbles. "B-but Shiro didn't," he whispers shakily, barely holding himself together.

Kolivan freezes. _Shiro_. Or, _Kuron_ , he supposes.

The real Shiro went missing after the battle with Zarkon, a fact that Keith has never been made aware of.

It's time for that to change.

Slowly, Kolivan relays the truth: how Voltron fought Zarkon, and the black paladin was missing, but they believed to have recovered him a few phoebs later, so Kolivan never saw it fit to notify Keith.

But now, they have new intel which suggests that Shiro is in fact a clone named Kuron.

Keith inhales sharply. "So in the...with Lotor...that wasn't Shiro?"

"No, kit."

"Shiro didn't say those things," he breathes, "Shiro didn't forget me because it _wasn't him_."

"That's right, kit," Kolivan says.

Keith's golden eyes light up, his posture instantly relaxing. "It wasn't Shiro," he mutters with wonder, as if he can barely believe it. Then he stiffens. "Wait...what happened to the real Shiro?"

"I'm not sure," Kolivan confesses, "But I'm looking into it, I promise."

"Okay," Keith nods, his tail falling limp and relaxed by his side.

Kolivan knows there is something else he must discuss with the kit, but he's unsure if Keith can handle it yet.

"You should go, kit. Get some rest," he instructs instead.

Keith hesitates, glancing back at him. "You want to say something else." It's a statement, not a question.

Kolivan sighs; the kit is too smart. "It won't be easy for you. So, no. I think we should wait until you're better."

The kit's hands clench into fists. "Until I'm _better_?" he explodes, "I-I'm already so much better! But I'm not...I'm not going to ever be completely better! I... I won't..."

Kolivan surges forwards, his instincts taking over, stopping only when he remembers Keith's touch aversion. Instead he sits beside the kit, meeting his gaze.

"I'm sorry, kit. I truly am."

Keith looks away, shrugging.

Kolivan huffs. "Keith. Your distance from Voltron cannot continue."

He stiffens. "What?"

Against his gut feeling, Kolivan continues, "A clone is currently leading, a tool of the Empire. I understand why you don't like them, but-"

"It's not that," Keith whispers.

Kolivan stops.

The kit slowly turns back. "It's not that," he repeats, "I don't hate them. I could never hate them. I just..." his voice cracks, "they are the ones that hate me, a-and they have every right to."

Kolivan blinks in disbelief. "No-! Why do you say that, kit?" he exclaims.

Keith's ears flatten in surprise at his sudden display of emotion. "B-because it's true?" he stammers, "They h-hate me because I'm galra. And I get it." He hugs his knees to his chest, and whispers ever so quietly, "I hate me too."

Something breaks in Kolivan's chest, and without thinking he wraps his arms around the kit, pulling him onto his lap. Keith tenses for a tick but soon relaxes, almost melting under the touch.

"No," Kolivan growls, "You _mustn't_ say that, kit."

Keith whines on instinct, then abruptly cuts off the sound. "I'm weak and pathetic and b-broken and I hate this I hate that I'm not okay and that I'll never be okay and I'm just w-w-w-worthless-"

Kolivan cradles the kit closer to his chest, as Keith fights back the sobs. "You're not worthless," he says firmly, "You mean the world to me, and to Thace and Ulaz and Antok. We're your pride, and we _love_ you, Keith."

The kit's breathing hitches.

"You're not weak, either. You've gone through so much, and I am proud of you. You shouldn't hate yourself, kit. No one should hate you."

"B-but they-"

"No they don't." Kolivan shifts so their eyes can meet. "The paladins don't hate you, Keith. After we left, they tried to contact you, to apologise."

Keith blinks, a tear escaping with the motion. "They did?"

"Yes. And I thought it was in your best interest to tell them you were fine, but not wanting to talk. I see now that I was wrong," he confesses.

Keith shakes his head. "No, you did the right thing. I... I wouldn't have been able to handle it."

Kolivan's expression softens. "But you can now?"

The kit nods, then a blush taints his cheeks as he realises he's curled up in his leader's lap. Quickly he moves from the position, and Kolivan lets him.

"So what do I do now?" Keith asks softly.

"You could contact Voltron."

He bites his lip. "I'm not sure I'm ready for that," Keith admits, "But I... I could record a message. For Hunk. To say...thank you."

Kolivan smiles. "Well done, kit." He stands and walks back over to his desk, grabs a datapad, then hands it to Keith. "Whenever you're ready."

The kit takes a deep breath. "I th-think now."

Kolivan nods and walks away, to give him some privacy. Keith's heart races but he quickly presses the icon to begin a recording.

"H-hey, Hunk. It's me. Um, Keith. I just wanted to say...thank you..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kolivan loves Keith as a son and you can fight me on that XD
> 
> Also I'm undecided about what happened to Shiro in this AU. Maybe he's in Black, maybe he's still alive... I'll explore it in a later fic, anyway! 
> 
> Just one more part to go! Then I should be back to updating the main story, _A Kit's Blade_ , hehe. 
> 
> Comments always welcome! Thank you so much for reading! ^-^


	6. Yorak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (+1)  
> He's better now, than he was.  
> But things aren't all okay.  
> Something's still _wrong._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the final part of this fic! Took awhile to write, I redrafted it a few times.  
> But hey, it's here now! XD

Keith slowly settles back in to his life with the Blades, recreating his old normality.

He's better now, than he was.

But things aren't all okay. He still gets nightmares, still has moments when he forgets his body is his own, still has times when he loses his grip on who he is.

His pride are there as a constant support, an anchor, and he's so grateful for them. However, even they can't always be there, as the war against the Galra Empire rages on. With the increasing amount of time he spends alone, he still can't get over the fact of something still being _very wrong._  

Now he's in the training room, practising switching his blade from knife to sword form as he ducks and dodges and slashes. He's not as strong as he used to be, but he's definitely improved since his rescue from Lotor.

Even thinking of the galran prince makes him shudder, and he barely blocks the training bot's sword that was aimed at his head. The Blade's bots are much taller than him, and more brutal than those on the castle-

He takes down the bot angrily, pushing that from his mind. He's _not_ upset that the paladins didn't recognise him. He's _not_ upset that they care about a clone Shiro more than they ever cared about him. He's _not_ upset that Hunk didn't respond to his message.

He _doesn't_ have a gaping hole in his chest that still throbs every time he thinks of _Lance Shiro Pidge Hunk Allura Coran Black Red._

He disarms the last bot and takes off its head with one clean swoop of his sword, letting the blade return to a knife as he leans against the wall, panting.

He's...not okay.

Keith Kogane was _never_ okay. His father's premature death, the bullying at school, and the foster care system made sure of that.

But right now he's even further from ' _okay_ ', so messed up he can't justify it as _another thing wrong with Keith Kogane._

He slips his blade back into its sheath and exits the training room, knowing what he has to do. Regris and Antok are away on a mission, but this can't wait.

 

Fifteen doboshes later, he stands in the pride's room, resisting the urge to fiddle with his blade or rub his fingers or do _something_ other than wait to have this conversation. Finally they arrive - Thace, Ulaz, and Kolivan - all with expressions of varying concern.

"Kit? Are you okay?" Thace asks.

He takes a deep breath then shakes his head. 

"I think Lotor was right," he says softly, "Keith Kogane is dead."

"What?"

"Kit, no!"

"Don't say that-"

"No, hear me out. Keith Kogane was many things. Foster kid, discipline case, then a pilot and a Voltron paladin. But... he broke. _I_ broke. Lotor broke something in me - in Keith - and I..." His voice shakes, and he can't look at the worry in his pride's now-grey eyes, so he stares at the ground instead.

"I-I don't think I can fix that," he manages to say.

Thace's hand on his shoulder startles him, and he jumps back, eyes wide. "S-sorry," he then stammers.

"Kit, we're here for you, okay?" Thace says.

"I thought you were getting better!" Ulaz exclaims, "I mean, you...you should've said, then we could help instead of-"

"You _did_ help me," he interrupts, "You've all h-helped me, so much. But I-I was fragile after everything with the p-paladins and then w-with Lotor a-a-and I... I _can't_ b-be Keith anymore."

"Then who _can_ you be?" Kolivan asks gently, a hand raised to stop Thace and Ulaz's cries of protest.

He hesitates, his body shaking now, feeling himself start to slip again. His fists clench, claws digging into his palms and causing enough pain to ground him.

"I-I don't know," he confesses.

"Yorak," Thace whispers then.

He turns to look at his uncle, ears perked.

"Yorak?" he echoes, tasting the name on his tongue.

Thace nods, something distant in his eyes. "It's a warrior name. Means 'survivor' in the old tongue. Your mother was very fond of the name," Thace explains.

He plays with the name in his head, then speaks it again, testing it. "Yorak." _Survivor_.

"I like it," he says tentatively.

Kolivan and Thace both smile. "I'm proud of you, kit," the former says, "You really are a survivor."

"So you want us to call you Yorak, now?" Ulaz checks.

He pauses, then nods.

"Very well, kit. I'll make sure everyone is aware of that." The doctor smiles, and takes a step forwards. "Can I hug you?"

He nods again.

Ulaz closes the gap and embraces him gently. It's not long before he feels the soft fur of Thace and the warmth of Kolivan join in as well. A purr rises in his chest, a sound that he hasn't made in so long, reminding him of the moment when he realised his pride were his family.

"Thank you," he breathes, and Thace nuzzles his cheek.

"You're most welcome, Yorak," his uncle whispers, and Yorak's purr increases at hearing his newly-adopted name.

He's not okay - far from - but he _will_ be.

He's not Keith Kogane anymore.

He's Yorak, half-galra, member of Kolivan's pride, youngest Blade of Marmora.

He's a _survivor_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap!
> 
> Even though Keith is recovering, he still has a lot of struggles, and he's so far from _Keith Kogane, paladin of Voltron_ and everything he used to be. So he needed a change of name, really, to help him move on fully. I think. XD 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading! All your comments have been lovely ^-^ thank you to those who requested a recovery fic too! (Neko_Nini, H_Faith_Marr, Cutiepie120048 and suddenlymary <3 )
> 
> This isn't the end of the series; I hope to write more, including a fic where Keith/Yorak will finally see the paladins again!  
> And _A Kit's Blade_ will also be continuing :D
> 
> Comments always welcome! Thanks again ^-^


End file.
